Christmas time is another hard time for me as a bereaved parent.  Our son loved the whole deal.  The family time, gifts, the tree, the mysterious parcels, the special food, the camaraderie.  It really hits home when I go to buy the gifts and food for Christmas.  No need for the special things our child enjoyed.  The fact that our son is missing, puts a poignant touch on everything.  One positive is that I especially treasure memories made by my children who are still here with us.

I’ve found that if I prepare something special to do in the weeks before my child’s anniversary of his death,  I manage to get through the day better.  Over the years we have tried a few ideas.  Helium balloons with messages texta’d on them.  Having a picnic at our child’s grave.  Lighting a candle on the table for the evening meal.  Putting flowers in a vase.  Having a cuppa with a friend who doesn’t mind if you talk or cry.    I’d love to hear other people’s ideas on how they get through a hard day.

Many bereaved parents have a huge struggle, dealing with their child’s belongings.

I certainly did.  It took me months to even be able to vacuum or dust my child’s room.

And it took me years to bring myself to dispose of his clothes.

Many things of our son’s, I still keep and treasure, eight years after losing him.

I wonder if others have a similar struggle with ‘mementoes’.      Heather.

Since writing my book on grief, I have been asked to speak at lots of different events, on the topic of grief.  This is a fulfilling way to share my story, and to help people who want to know how to care for people in grief.  I know I wanted stories from those who’d ‘been there’ rather than just theories.  I guess many others prefer that too!

It’s been 8 years since our son died.  After all this time I finally managed to remove from his bedroom wall, the cards he received from his last birthday.  His 14th.  He had blue-tak’d them there himself and I didn’t want to remove what he’d chosen to display.  However the blue tak was deteriorating and the cards were full of dust…so I took them down!  I still have our son’s rubbish bin, still full of the stuff he’d thrown in it.  Luckily, it was scrap paper, empty Coke cans and broken toys and stationery.  I wonder if other bereaved people keep ’strange’ mementoes!

It’s amazing how many people I’ve met since publishing my book.  Total strangers write to me via email, or ring me and tell me their stories about their own grief situations.  It is such a fulfilling part of having written my book on grief.

I’ve heard that bereaved siblings are sometimes called ‘the forgotten mourners’.  It’s sad to think siblings are forgotten.  I wonder if there are any bereaved siblings who’d like to say how it is for them.

When my 14 year old son died, many people wanted to be helpful and supportive to me, but didn’t know what to do or say.   Many asked me, ‘What can I say?’  I have written a book full of ideas on what helped me (and what didn’t help!) during my heaviest time of grief.  I’ve called the book ‘But what can I say?  Ways to help bereaved parents’. 

I asked dozens of other bereaved parents for their input and included it in the book.

There’s no ‘recipe’ for how to support bereaved parents, but this book gives some helpful insights. I’d be interested in experiences from other bereaved parents on how people tried to help you (positive or negative).